my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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