i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
