Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
