Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
