Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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