Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
