She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
