I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Plan B is the new Plan A
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
