Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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