I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
