Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
