I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
