therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
