You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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