Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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