Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
