I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
