Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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