I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We left the knife in your bed.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
