I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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