On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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