I was born with a shot glass in my hand
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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