I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
