you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
