I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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