I'm gonna have a badass scar
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
