last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
only if we run a train.
done.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
