Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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