ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
