i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
