his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
