Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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