Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
love makes seman taste better
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
