Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
