My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
