it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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