Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
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