I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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