bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
