I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
