let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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