a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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