Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
