I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
