did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
