that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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