The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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