I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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