Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
