i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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